emmett goes without
by carafob
Summary: emmett and rose get caught at it, so emmett has to go without for two weeks, how does it go?
1. chaste?

A day Carlisle remembers...

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**Emmett POV **

"Just tell me!"

"No"

"Ill call Edward and he'll tell me" oh yeah having a mindreading brother does have his perks

"Please don't do that"

"Then tell me... which position do you prefer?... you caught me and rose at it so you know mine"

"You had a whip..."

What a time for your dad to catch you and your girlfriend at it! Whoa!

"You also had on a red thong and leather suspenders"... yes... I was even less proud of that part... but what you gonna do?

"p.l.e.a.s.e.!"

"Fine... esme on top" then I ran... I had what I needed... I could bribe esme into giving me back my blood flavour condoms (bear blood flavour (of course)), shed taken them away in a fit of horror and said that we were going to have to survive with our clothes on for a short while... I was not impressed! I'm still stunned that she offered them to Edward... why didn't he accept?

**Edward POV**

I couldn't believe that Emmett wasn't allowed to have sex for two weeks... maybe Renesmee can get a goodnight kip for once in her life, he didn't seem to have a noise barrier, but at least me and Bella stuck to the cottage and had her babysitted. Esme had offered me the condoms... but we use mountain lion blood flavour...or cherry, whatever the mood.

"Bella! We need to go!"

_Daddy, do I need to go?_

"No love, you can stay home with Jacob... but I need a word with him first... can you go and get him... maybe while we chat you could help your mother pack her bag" I wasn't pleased with Jacob, now Renesmee looked 16 he was less careful with his hormones, I could hear his thoughts and if he repeated them again he would be walking with 3 legs... if he was lucky.


	2. will she crack?

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**Emmett POV**

Okay, so me, rose, Edward, and Bella were going to a sex rehabilitation centre, so I'm going to ask the professionals all my unanswered questions... lets see if she can handle the Emmett man.

...........

"So, do you use toys?"

"Um, I asked you if you had any targets you wanted to for fill this year"

"Well, my target is to use more toys, could you recommend any?"

"I'm a fan of basic handc...hey! I meant a target to distract you and make it easier... Not encourage and excite you!" ...it was exiting!

"Well, ill tell you if you tell me one thing... were at it most days... sometimes twice or more a day... how many times is your record for a day?"

"WHY ASK ME THAT!?" stupid question that was, what good is someone going to do to guide you away from sex if they don't have it as good as you... why did esme make me do this... oh yeah... I posted notices with Carlisle's fave position around forks... I bet that did it!

"just curious, I believe you should have a good experience to be a professional, hey, have you ever covered yourself in jello and done a kinky dance?" crack, crack, crack, crack, crack.

"AAAAHHHH... 5 hours I have been interrogated, no I haven't used jello, no I don't cook naked, no I don't picture Pete Wentz when I'm having sex, no a penis doesn't back up if you don't use it, no I've never tested that ,no I don't think my husband masturbates over Kirsten Stewart either! I QUIT!" whoa man I think I should have limited the questions... or not that was fun. Where's Edward?

**Edward pov**

Okay, so me and Bella were walking across the park, hand in hand, when Emmett's councillor runs across the road screaming, with Emmett following, damn she was the only one willing to take him on since his application was so graphic, he said why he wanted to give it up, giving details on why each position was a problem, mainly that he wasn't doing it at that moment. Oh Emmett.

I gave Bella a squeeze, "is it time to call Renesmee? We need to tell her our little trip has been shortened... substantially" she sighed, I wondered what she could possibly be thinking, at least she hadn't been witness to Jacob thinking about our daughter naked, especially when he imagined himself naked with her

"Edward, What do you recon Jacob has been doing with Renesmee?"

I could guess what he wanted to happen "no idea love, but I think its time we discovered, you wanna make the call?"

**Bella POV**

"hey honey, just to let you know that me and your dad will be coming home today"

She sounded a little paniced.

"_did uncle Emmett mess up?"_

"yes love, see you soon, love you"

"_typical, see you laters, luv ya"_

I think its time she got the sex ed lesson... off uncie em... best before Jacob gets turned to moonshine I guessed.


	3. leaving?

**Renesmee POV**

Damn it dad is coming home, the only time we get together and he is cutting it short, I really wish I could move out... could I? Surely Billy wouldn't mind if I did, he can't stand the fact that Jacob had to move in with vampires, neither can I, they have unparalleled senses, absolutely lethal, according to Laurent anyway. Ah, the doors opening, here they come "Renesmee love where are you?"

"In the kitchen dad"

"Will you come here, I want to have a word with you" oh damn "fetch Jacob too" Jesus h. Christ this was going to be bad.

**Jacob POV**

Man, I've already had Edward give me all the reasons we should use condoms and in the case of pregnancy, how to secure your phone in order to prevent phone calls being made to secure protectors, I didn't need this too, it's just graphic.

I entered the living room to see Emmett spread across the floor with various items, and Renesmee was in the dining room getting dressed. She came out in a black suspenders outfit holding a kinky whip _her dads upstairs, her dads upstairs, her dads upstairs, think pure, think pure, think pure. _Damn that is hard, god I hope it remains that the only thing that's hard!

"Okay guys, Bella's asked me to give you a sex Ed lesson, so I'm gonna give you one, my style, were talking positions, toys, and how to kinky dance."

"oh man!" I hope Renesmee doesn't kinky dance… then again

Just then jasper came in…"hey guys, I can feel some pretty strong emotions…"then he saw renesmee. "oh man,… hmm, where's my shopping obsessed pixie wife Alice, I could do with her I think at the moment", he left muttering something about wishing we could control our emotions.

Emmett left to see that renesmee was properly attaching the handcuffs to the bed, and Jacob slipped out into the hall only to run into Edward crouched by the door "wazzup man?" me and bella had a fight, shes taking renesmee to Alaska, to stay with Tanya, and them lot


	4. problems?

**Edward pov**

I had read Renesmee' mind, she was pregnant, oh god why had I told Bella, she could have worked it out later, or Renesmee could have told her, but no I told her, she flipped, and she decided that she was taking Renesmee to the Denali's, to get away from Jacob, and me, I had betrayed her, we weren't worthy parents, I hadn't told her straight off that Jacob and Renesmee were having sex, she hadn't got the chance to give Renesmee the talk, she was only seven human years old.

"Jacob, you have to help me" he looked in shock, I realised this must have been what I looked like when Bella broke the news that she was pregnant to me, and obviously I had beat Renesmee to it this time.

"What...how...when..." Jacob composed his face, probably sensing my world break down "how did this happen?"

"I'm sure Emmett was _supposed _to be teaching you that, Jacob" a smile spread across his face

"Have you met your brother? You obviously didn't give him a specific lesson plan, he's got nessie in there learning bondage etiquette" my face twisted, if I didn't know it wasn't possible, I would have gone to the doctors and got it checked out in case I broke something.

"I'm going to see Bella, I want to spend the rest of my time I've got with her, I cant handle this" he must have seen that was the truth because he drew me up into a man cuddle, something we never did, ever.

"It'll be okay mate, trust me" I hoped he was right, I hoped for my sanity that he was right.

I opened the door of my bedroom and Bella was on the floor, surrounded in all the clothes Alice ensures she wears, I hadn't seen her in sweats since we got married, bully for me. Her face was screwed up into one of total pain; I scooped her up and pulled on my lap on the bed, ignoring her protest. I brought her face up to mine and gave her a quick, chaste-like kiss. "Bella, love, please don't do this to me." Her face screwed and she pulled herself away from me long enough to compose her face, "please, then Edward tell me what the hell on earth I'm supposed to do, I cant let nessie have this baby, its not right, she may look sixteen, but she's seven for Christ sake, if you don't want me to do this, tell me what I can do, its not like she can abort it, Rosalie would see to that, shed sooner we kill her than any child, and she cant get it to be adopted, half human, quarter werewolf, quarter vampire, that'll go down well with authorities, and especially the volturi!" she pulled herself off the bed and pulled her top down from where it had risen, "just let me go Edward, I cant do this, not now, not ever, she cant have a baby, it may have worked for us, but we were married, I was eighteen, you were over a century, she's seven, she's got eternity ahead of her, and she's not spending it with a child." She pulled her clothes into a small duffel, picked up Renesmee' bag and left the room, what could I do, I curled up in a ball and buried my head in my chest, to everyone else I must have looked like Bella when I left her all those years ago, how ironic.


	5. gone?

**Jacob pov**

Me, a dad? You've got to be kidding, im 24, shes only seven, it aint meant to happen, not until we get married.

**Carlisle pov**

Bella and renesmee have just left, driven off in Bellas Ferrari, Jacob is hysterical, and Edward is still staring into the same space he was four hours ago when they left. He has said one word though,"…Bella…"… its not much of a bonus but at least I know there's some response in him.

Bellas leaving was the most painful thing I've ever had to witness, although Jacob and renesmee are the only ones who can cry, we all would have, if we'd been able. I couldn't help being angry at Emmett, maybe if he'd curbed himself, it wouldn't have happened.

I decided to have a word with him..

"Emmett this is 'your entire fault"

"Wait, why, what did I do?"

"You and rose are at it like rabbits, in fact, im fed up with it, I want you out!"

**Emmett POV**

I can't believe I was bloody well thrown out! What the hell did I do wrong? I mean just because we enjoy a little erotica… ill show him… me and Edward are going to go to a strip club…

I dragged Edward to pink pussycat, just after I put a $100 in a blonds g-string, Edward made his second sound of the day, "herm, mmm"

"EDWARD, man come on, cheer up TOPLESS GIRLS! I thought this would cheer you up,… hey man, that girls got an ass like bellas…" _nice ass too _ "ow man!" geez Edward hurts when he punches… stupid mind reader!

"Emmett we're supposed to be keeping you away from sex, not guiding you to it!"

"hey your wife's left you" Edward whimpered " you need to get back in the game… ooh maybe we should phone Tanya" while I was searching for my phone, I came across a $500 and stuffed it into the Bella-a-likes undies… purely for Edward, of course. I found my phone and called Tanya

I got her answering machine

"Heya tanz, its emmie, will you come over to my place tomorrow? You've got a hot date with Edward tomorrow night … 8PM"


	6. tanya?

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**Edward pov**

Tanya arrived in a long flowing red dress, her hair tied up on top of her head with ringlets of strawberry blond in front of her face; she had over 100 carats of diamonds hung from her neck and wrists. She looked gorgeous, but of course the one person I would have wanted with me was with the Denali's where Tanya should have been.

Since she arrived her, I couldn't stand her up, I dressed half-heartedly in a navy pinstripe suit, and black converse allstars, Perfect for Bella Italia.

We travelled in silence, and arrived early for our reservation, so we had to take a seat by the fireplace until we were needed.

"How you holding on Edward?"

"Better in some ways... after Emmett took me away from that blasted strip club, I got a chance to play the piano, unwind. How was Bella when you left?" did I really want to know? .... Answer... not really.

"I haven't seen her, she hadn't arrived when I left, and I told Kate and Garrett not to tell her where I'd gone."

"Oh ...well...thanks..." she came closer, and took my hand in hers.

"I think your doing amazingly, better than last time"... then she kissed me, one small kiss on the cheek.

**Emmett POV**

Edward and Tanya got back at about 3am, holding hands and laughing... I couldn't help but wonder what Bella would had said if she saw this, Edward still with his wedding ring on, hugging Tanya, and kissing her on the lips, Quick chaste kisses. Man if did that, rose would KILL me!!


	7. jacob renesmee dilly?

**Alice POV**

*vision*

Jasper kisses Bella, she runs her hands over his chest, and he groans in pleasure while sliding his hands up inside her top.

*end*

I screamed, luckily I was in the forest hunting on my own, trying to see Bella, but avoiding the blind spots renesmee produced.

Why would he do that to me? What did I do to him? Or not as the case may be. We hadn't seen Bella for a year; she and renesmee were with Tanya's lot. Renesmee would be giving birth tomorrow, though I hadn't told anyone, and didn't need to because Tanya had moved in here with Edward, she hadn't been to see Kate and Garrett for four months… too painful for Edward to see Bella in her head.

Why was jasper kissing Bella?

**Emmett pov**

Me and jasper were sitting on the porch playing slaps when a red Ferrari sped down the driveway, it was…hey! Bella!

She appeared in the doorway with renesmee and the most beautiful baby girl ive ever seen; nessie smiled and said simply "dilly"

Before I even had time to blink, Edward was embracing nessie and he had a big soppy smile on his face, the biggest ive seen since he would perve on Bella.

He stopped momentarily looking at Bella, but just as quickly, his eyes steered back towards his new granddaughter. Dilly "I thought you'd like the name dad, its d for Edward, and illy for Billy."

He smiled and muttered "a beautiful name for a beautiful face."

**Jasper POV**

Bella grabbed me and we ran to the cottage "what happened to Edward… he's… happy?" she pulled me on top of her by the fireplace and said seductively… "Make me forget him jasper" my head was a thick cloud of the lust radiating from her. I took her in my arms and kissed her, my tongue deep in her mouth, and she ran her hands up my chest, lingering on my nipples. I returned the favour and put my hands up her top, feeling my way to her hardened nipples, she groaned and pulled me to the floor with her, then kissed a line down my chest towards my jeans…


	8. does he promise?

**BTW… disclaimer…. I only own my own ideas; I do not own twilight or the characters.**

**Edward POV**

Bella looked so beautiful, I cant believe I let her go, so I went for a cuddle off Tanya

She was in our room staring out the back wall. Nessie, Jacob and Dilly were getting to know one and another in the garden. She looked as if she would cry if she could, so I stopped, took a deep breath, and approached her with caution, when I reached her, she sighed and turned to face me.

"Your going to leave me now aren't you? Your going to go back to Bella … to be with your granddaughter" I wanted to go back to dilly, but not to Bella

"of course not, you silly, oversensitive girl" I realised as soon as I said it, that I'd called Bella a similar name, luckily Tanya didn't.

"do you promise?"

"yes of course! I love you!" she came to me and gave me a deep kiss. Before I had chance to consent, we were on the bed naked on the bed, and she was trailing kisses down my stomach, she'd just started doing something I never wanted to end, when there was an ear piercing scream from downstairs.


	9. make up?

Alice POV

I screamed

I'd seen jasper kissing Bella, but in my visions before, he was going to kiss her then reject her, why all of a sudden I saw them in bed together, why had he changed his mind about it? What the hell did I do?

All of a sudden, Edward ran downstairs with a sheet wrapped around his middle and hugged me, whispering sweet nothings into my ear. But I pulled away and ran to my room and found jasper and Bella standing at the foot of the bed kissing Bella, their hands were all over each other, I ran to Bella and slapped her around the face "YOU WHORE!"

Bella took 2 steps back, fell onto the bed and curled into a tight ball, she looked vulnerable, and depressed. She looked at Edward, and I could tell, she'd opened her mind to him, telling him things that she didn't want me and jasper to know.

Edward POV

Bella opened her mind to me, she showed me the past 9 months, the arguments with Nessie over dilly, the depression she's been in without me there, all the little things that reminded her of me, silver Volvos, piano shops, Debussy on the radio, marathon runners, and worst of all, hunting and coming across mountain lions.

Despite my state of dress, I went to her at the same time as jasper went and cradled Alice in his arms, placing small chaste kisses on her face.

I held her for hours, she was making whimpering sounds. I was glad that she opened up to me, I was with Tanya, but my full heart was never in the relationship, I always wanted Bella back. I loved Bella.

Emmett POV

Everyone but me and rose were distracted so we took this as an opportunity to grab our toy box and get down to a motel room. Best sex I've ever had, I cant believe after the two week chastity promise, we got out toys taken off us, where's the fun in that? Damn boring parents!

Edward POV

I'm going to break up with Tanya…


	10. happily ever after?

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Edward POV

I called Tanya's family the denalis for some support for her, they were going to arrive once I'd broken up with her so she could move back home with them.

I approached our room silently and opened the door. She came bounding to me, and wrapped her arms around me. I could smell the comforting smell of her hair. I didn't want to have to hurt her, but I knew it was necessary; I could live without Tanya, but not without my Bella.

"Tanya, I need to have a word with you, I know I promised, but I cant leave Bella now we have a grandchild, I want to be there, and the only reason she is what she is, was so that we could spend the whole of eternity together, and most importantly, I love her." Tanya stiffened and took a step back. I could see the hurt and confusion in her face, it was heart breaking, I wanted to take back all the things I said just so I could comfort her, she looked broken.1

"But you said, I trusted you! You just used me then, kept me while Bella was way...OH MY GOD, I was your rebound screw!" I thought shed take it a little more lady-like

"You dirty bastard! You only moved to forks because there was too much want between us" the anger faded into sobbing, she hung to me with such force that my t-shirt ripped under her hands.

At that moment Kate and Garrett arrived, and they made there way up to our room. The moment Tanya and Kate saw each other they collided in a mess of apologies and comforts. Me and Garrett shared an uncomfortable guy-like glance at each other then we both packed up Tanyas belongings into her suitcase and Garrett took it to his car while I left to see Bella, Nessie and Dilly.

Renesmee POV

I'd been falling out with mum for the whole pregnancy, she was lucky, she only had to fight for me for a month, I had to fight for 9, and I didn't have rose. Dilly is the most beautiful person you could imagine; she has Jacobs's russet colour skin, my dark brown curls, and dad's old emerald eyes. Everyone says I was a stunning child, but they're wrong, dilly is!

Me and Jacob are set to be married, June 20th, dads birthday. I'm wearing mums Anne of green gables wedding dress, and Jacob is wearing a designer tux that Alice insisted that she chose and bought, at least as an engagement present.

Dilly is growing at a normal rate, so she will be able to grow old with Jacob, he has decided to age appropriately, so that we can live together. At least I get to stay beautiful.

Edward POV

I couldn't believe it... a grandchild! When I became this, I gave up every hope of even having a daughter, now I have a beautiful wife, daughter, granddaughter, and who would of thought it? A werewolf soon-to-be, son-in-law.

1 DISCLAIMER Stephanie Meyer owns everything... the only way it would be mine, would be if I were that supremely cool that I could have come up with it... unfortunately I suck and could never make up the god-like Cullen guys or the amazingly amazing crazy chick that is Alice Cullen..... so all credit goes to S. Mayer 


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